Jonathan Kinsman
jesus shows off his top surgery to the boys
like any good christian, i am closest to christ in bondage. i learn how to pose my nudes from baroque painters: arm up, pull the breast taut — régnier; hips back, flatten the stomach — reni. these are saint sebastians. i am not yet holy enough to reference the real thing, must settle for intercession on my behalf. because what’s sexier than a twink in a half-done loincloth, getting shot at, big, wet eyes turned heavenwards?
having a body is fucking exhausting, especially when it’s got all the wrong wounds. what i’d give for a stigmata of the wrist, god opening me up, all that hot sticky red on the outside, and not the ovarian cyst ejecting blood into my pelvic cavities. might hurt less, would definitely look more metal, be easier for my gp to “keep an eye on”. it’s the same jesus christ on my lips regardless. charity is done best in the dark. beat the brat when it answers back. i wouldn’t blame jesus if getting the damned fleshbag up again was too much to be arsed with, if force-ghosting around jerusalem was more appealing after the whole dying ordeal. but no, christ is perfect, maximum effort, bodily resurrection, calls tommy boy over to fingerbang the punctures and everything. sometimes, i let men finger me, too, to prove i’m not an apparition. docetism is such an old-fashioned heresy.
i get it, the assonance. listen to the way they turn son into a hiss, like they can guillotine it between their teeth. jesus says lay down and take it. jesus says it’s about learning to love, expansively, the whole breadth of my chest, the sagging teats swinging beneath me like i was born in the fucking milking shed. princess, baby girl, daddy’s biblically accurate fucktoy. and christ is right there in it with me, wet and spaced, holding my hand, stroking my hair out of my face and saying it’s okay. god is coming. god is coming and he’s going to stay this time.
JONATHAN KINSMAN (he/him) is a trans poet, living in the Hope Valley. He is a slam champion and his debut collection The Fireman’s Daughter was published by Broken Sleep Books in 2023. Find him online @manykinsmen.